Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus...so goes the cliche. Good thing too, 'cos Mars rulz!
But, I'm not so sure anymore....
With changing times, choices and preferences, the line between the societal roles fulfilled by men and women is blurring. Throw in some centuries old traditions, corporate policies struggling to cope, rapidly changing lifestyle and you see the pot-boiler which is the average urban Indian household. I say urban, as I am totally ignorant of the trends in rural India, and for no other reason.
Men in India are becoming Metrosexual and women are often "power chicks". DINKs (Dual Income No Kids) are pretty much the norm for most young households today. Women want so much more from their careers and men want more work/life balance. This is all fine except for one major problem - the societal, corporate and mental machinery in place needs to change.
If, nay
when, i go to a spa, it is common to find treatments and timings for women. This is probably 80%+ of their Indian clientele. But, I am a massage whore and cant get enough of a good back rub. Very often the spa has to make changes or adjustments to accomodate a man. "Would you like a couple massage, sir?" is usually the helpful response. "Only if I get to have 2 massages!" is my response. I mean a guy going for a massage by himeself...wow!
When I went for a haircut recently (to my painfully pricey barber), I was pleasantly surprised to see a man getting a manicure and pedicure. But, before I could celebrate the emancipation of the Indian male, I recognized the dude. A famous Bollywood director. Everyone knows that separate rules apply to celebs. Sigh... But, patience Hari, patience. Just as I finished my session, a young college guy (not a model) walked in an decided to go in for a Rs.7000 hair treatment which would easily take away his entire afternoon and evening. Maybe there is hope....
My point is this - if a dude wants to take care of himself and pamper his ego, he should be allowed to do so. This aint the sole right of the housewife.
Example #2. My wife and I split all chores. She makes many financial decisions, and I often order the veggies. I reckon i'm the better (or atleast more fussy) cook. She clearly scores over me in maths. She would love to drive the car, and I must have a vote in selecting our household furniture. This aint a total role reversal, before you guys start rolling your eyes. She loves beautiful pictures and I love sports. But, the point is that many things are "reversed".
But, now we have a problem. My wife is pregnant and she gets a ton of maternity leave. Obviously! But, guess what - I need to be happy with much less. Its fair that we work for different companies, but the one thing I found most progressive in my previous employer was that they had the same length for maternity and paternity leave.
I plan to be a very involved father, but the systems in place wont make it easy. The thought is often "Dude, be involved, but a father should get less time off than the mother." Uh, huh. WTF?? I mean why??
If women can get equal pay and equal benefits, I want equal time to enjoy my baby. In western countries, these systems have evolved and many companies realise that dual-income couples need both parents to be able to "tag team" during all stages in life, including parenting.
We, in India, have a much better societal support system. Families help raise kids and young couples dont feel as isolated as in the west. However, some systems still need to evolve. It's assumed that my mom-in-law or mom will do the supporting role to M when I go back to earn the family bread. I would love for them to be involved, but lets be clear. I am the support system.
So, this means a need for change in mindsets, in HR policies, in corporate policies, and in society overall. As we move towards a balance of our historically joint families to nuclear couples, we need to find a good middle ground. This will take time, but the changes need to start happening soon.
I think its time for many people to realize a vital fact. The planets have collided and Mars & Venus dont look the same anymore.
