Antara and I gaze at our reflections in the mirror. I realize that the whites of her eyes are a pristine white with not a blood vessel in sight – good! But what surprises me is the sight of my own eyes. The whites are really “Off whites”, distinctly so, and remind me of my childhood. My father and I did very much the same thing – gaze at our reflections. I remember proudly telling him – “Appa, my eyes are nice and white. Why are yours so yellow and tired? Why don’t you use some toothpaste?” Hmmm, the tide has turned…
I am nearing a very significant age. Soon I will not be able to check the box that says "25-29 years". I near the feared 3-0. Symbolic representation of the end of childhood and the start of maturity??? WTF - are you sure you want to give ME this certificate??
We recently had some close friends over for Christmas dinner. The last significant vacation we took with them was a brilliant road-trip around Brittany & Normandy. We were 4 folks out on the road, gulping wine by the liter, enjoying crepes and making plans at the flip of a coin. This time around, they brought their 10 month old daughter to meet us. We had a 5 month old and a 10 month old dictate tempo all evening. Another sign of age?
Well, interestingly, we still managed to polish of a bottle of Sula Chenin Blanc. We had a great time. Also the night before had 25 people partying hard in our living room, while Pebbles snored it up in our bedroom. Margaritas, mulled wine, baked veggies, hummus & pita, pasta salad...yum! A great time and a lot of drunk people.
I guess I have found that life continues and even peaks in the 30s. You see, I can now afford many luxuries I couldn't at 20 or 25. I also live completely on my terms. As for childhood, I spend every morning and night singing "Old King Cole" and "Teddy Bear Picnic". That childhood enough for ya?
I tell M that I will hit my absolute peak sometime in the coming decade, and my gym-battered body would tend to agree. An interesting job, the best "work-life balance" i have enjoyed in my career so far, a strong marriage, a delightful baby, it seems I have all the big check boxes semi-ticked (never jinx it by saying "ticked").
I seem to be partying as hard as I can remember (not counting the ridiculous year at INSEAD of course), and with a mix of friends from abroad and dudes/dudettes in town, the parties are so much more fun these days.
Oh - and another thing - age does not kill wanderlust. I still ache to get my passport stamped in a country where they barely speak english. But I have promised M that our next trip has to be deeper exploration of L'Inde.
A friend recently asked me - Whats with this beard you have these days?
My answer - Just trying to look my age.
One things for sure - the babyfaced casanova ain't so much a baby any more.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Redoing the Tag - The Famous Five take 2
On being scolded by the tagger, I am redoing my assignment.
The famous five TAKE 2:
A. Five things in my room:
1. My pillow - its mine, flat and just the right firmness. A slight change and I wake up with a stiff neck.
2. My bottle of water - i cannot sleep without it by my side. Need my hydration!
3. My wife - may object to being "objectified", but I need her there.
4. A pen under the bed - dont know why, but there is always a pen that has rolled off under the bed.
5. A good fan - If I dont feel breeze, I just cant sleep.
B. Five things in my bag:
1. My laptop - never know when you need to IM, blog or check email.
2. Breathmint - this allows me to have garlic for lunch before the important meeting :)
3. 2-3 USB keys - Always carry memory with you.
4. Business cards - Never know when a good contact comes by.
5. Spare pens - Just in case the one under the bed goes missing.
C. Five things in my wallet:
1. My drivers licence - Need that always.
2. Pics of my girl and my baby.
3. Moolah
4. Credit cards - make me feel rich until the monthly statement cometh.
5. Medical card - in case something morbid happens, you know my blood type and other issues.
Phew. Hope its alright now??
The famous five TAKE 2:
A. Five things in my room:
1. My pillow - its mine, flat and just the right firmness. A slight change and I wake up with a stiff neck.
2. My bottle of water - i cannot sleep without it by my side. Need my hydration!
3. My wife - may object to being "objectified", but I need her there.
4. A pen under the bed - dont know why, but there is always a pen that has rolled off under the bed.
5. A good fan - If I dont feel breeze, I just cant sleep.
B. Five things in my bag:
1. My laptop - never know when you need to IM, blog or check email.
2. Breathmint - this allows me to have garlic for lunch before the important meeting :)
3. 2-3 USB keys - Always carry memory with you.
4. Business cards - Never know when a good contact comes by.
5. Spare pens - Just in case the one under the bed goes missing.
C. Five things in my wallet:
1. My drivers licence - Need that always.
2. Pics of my girl and my baby.
3. Moolah
4. Credit cards - make me feel rich until the monthly statement cometh.
5. Medical card - in case something morbid happens, you know my blood type and other issues.
Phew. Hope its alright now??
Friday, December 14, 2007
Tagged - The Famous Five Tag
Well, a second tag for me. The "famous five" tag (the way i read it) can mean anything in quantities of 5 which is meaningful to me.
My top 5 favourite movie characters:
1. Kaiser Soze (from "The Usual Suspects" - played by Kevin Spacey - absolute classic role)
2. General Maximus (from "Gladiator" - played by Russel Crowe - scarily powerful)
3. Michael Corleone (from "Godfather" - played by Al Pacino - cool yet vicious)
4. The Bride (from "Kill Bill" - played by Uma Thurman - super sexy & violent)
5. Mufasa (from "The Lion King" - played by James Earl Jones - a true leader)
My top 5 favourite food dishes:
1. Puliyodhare (Tamil dish - this was not even close!)
2. Veg. burnt chilly fried rice
3. Rajma Masala
4. Sambar
5. Spaghetti/Penne Arrabiatta
Well, that was my attempt at it. Now, in fine tradition, i need to pass on the tag.
This tag is passed on to M (http://mayahariglow.blogspot.com)
& Pri (http://priyankka.blogspot.com)
My top 5 favourite movie characters:
1. Kaiser Soze (from "The Usual Suspects" - played by Kevin Spacey - absolute classic role)
2. General Maximus (from "Gladiator" - played by Russel Crowe - scarily powerful)
3. Michael Corleone (from "Godfather" - played by Al Pacino - cool yet vicious)
4. The Bride (from "Kill Bill" - played by Uma Thurman - super sexy & violent)
5. Mufasa (from "The Lion King" - played by James Earl Jones - a true leader)
My top 5 favourite food dishes:
1. Puliyodhare (Tamil dish - this was not even close!)
2. Veg. burnt chilly fried rice
3. Rajma Masala
4. Sambar
5. Spaghetti/Penne Arrabiatta
Well, that was my attempt at it. Now, in fine tradition, i need to pass on the tag.
This tag is passed on to M (http://mayahariglow.blogspot.com)
& Pri (http://priyankka.blogspot.com)
Friday, December 7, 2007
Sawadee ka!
"Sawadee khhhhaa" sing out the chorus of salespeople at Zara. All of them bow and fold their hands, in synch.
Coming from a country which also follows a similar tradition of bowing heads and greeting with folded hands, I realise some subtle differences between home and our current holiday destination - Thailand. Here, seemingly every time you enter the air space of a Thai person, you trigger the "alarm" and they shoot out a friendly greeting of "Sawadee ka" (hello). This could be a great game for a cheeky kid (hehe).
Scene: 1 cheeky kid + 1 friendly Thai
Location: Any service location (Hotel, restaurant, store, spa, airport, etc.)
"Lights, camera, action!"
Cheeky kid enters stage left and shoots accidently into friendly Thai air space.
Thai: (Bowing and smiling) "Swaadeee Khhhhhaaaa"
Kid: ???
Brat drifts a bit out of friendly air space. He then decides to try out his evil plan...he drifts slowly back into shooting distance of the Thai.
Thai: (Bowing and smiling identically to the first time): "Swadeee Khaaaa"
Kid:
Kid exits and partially re-enters the kill zone.
Thai: (3rd time a charm?): "Swaade.."
Kid leaves the zone...only to re-enter.
Thai (Thinking: "I hate kids"): "Swaa.."
And thus continues this horrible game..
I can truly see this happening. You see, i believe the Thais are THAT committed to service and seemed very, very friendly indeed. In central Bangkok, this is almost to a fault. An old INSEAD friend would always cry out "Sawaaadeeee Kaaaaa" when he started a story on one of his adventures in Thailand. I now get it!
Not to say that we are dealing with saints. We heard horror stories about Thai prisons, and God knows that Muay Thai (Thai kick-boxing) is seemingly reserved for men with cast-iron noses and Jean-Claude Van Damme.
But, all in all, Thais know how far service can go to building repeat clientele. They also know how to serve tourists like no where else in Asia. Tours of the Grand Palace in fluent Spanish, French, German, Mandarin & Japanese + Overall friendly atmosphere + Liberal mix of eastern influences & western indulgences = A great vacation!
As with all great stories, there is a caveat. And this one's a doozy. "Lady boys". WTF????
These cross-dressing wonders have befuddled single middle-aged white males for decades. What starts out as a great catch - a young, lissome exotic oriental babe who seems to like me inspite of my lack of hair, class or "a life" - turns out to be a shocking surprise. These "ladies" are thai boys who expertly disguise their manhood.
One night with one of these dude(ette)s will give more than a lifetime of memories (or shall we call them nightmares). :).
The questions you folk need to answer for me are:
1. How do you hide your Adam's apple?
2. How does a fairly conservative society have this practice so openly followed? I even saw school kids with one young boy wearing a skirt and with long hair (trust me, it was a boy!)
With 25% of the Thai GDP coming from various versions of the sex trade, I guess this land of service and hospitality does provide quite a few with a "happy ending". But, remember the old adage - sometimes things that appear too good to be true, are just that!!
Swaaadeeee Khhhaaaaaaaaa, all!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
My dream-world kingdom for a decent dream!
I've been blog tagged - by my wife no less. I am compelled to blog on the topic of "dreams/dreaming/the attempt to dream" by her in this fascinating new game infecting all of us online netizens.
I should love this. My previous blog was all about how my life is like a continuous daydream. The fact that I never seem to wake from a constant state of waking sleep...
But this time, I need to blog about something else. Like the last umpteen blogs, it will concern Antara to some degree.
Our 3 month old is a deep sleeper like her mum and me. Good for her. Nightly dreams probably comprise of endless supply of milk, her fav wind-up yellow duck singing "How much is that doggy in the window?" and Mona dolly dancing around in a manner only a pink, digit-lacking soft toy could.
Maya and me lead a fascinating life too. We dream....not so much about milk and toys and dolls, oh my! (pardon the shameless rip off on the Wizard of Oz)...no, we dream of dreaming!
You see, a close friend based in the UK asked me tonight "Hey, how come you're awake? Isnt it near midnight?" I explained the following to her:
+ Antara would be asleep in 5 mins
+ M in 5mins 5 secs &
+ Yours truly in 5mins 15 secs (it takes 10 secs to turn off the light, trip on the bed, curse twice and collapse into a fitful sleep :))
A tough 3 months at the office, the first 3 months of parenthood, the last 3 months of M's maternity leave and 3 months of seemingly constant upheaval have left M and me - for the lack of a better term - dream deprived. We arent tired, we arent disillusioned, we arent over the moon - we're sleepy and we sleep dark, dreamless nights of sleep. A good 15 hr night of sleep, doorbell failures in the morning and a nice night of dreams should fix us up nice. But 15 hrs of sleep??? Dream on, Hari!
There M, kept up my tag. This tag goes to Aparna (in the last weeks of her pregnancy) - write about your dreams. What does an expecting mom in the last weeks of preggyhood dream about??
I should love this. My previous blog was all about how my life is like a continuous daydream. The fact that I never seem to wake from a constant state of waking sleep...
But this time, I need to blog about something else. Like the last umpteen blogs, it will concern Antara to some degree.
Our 3 month old is a deep sleeper like her mum and me. Good for her. Nightly dreams probably comprise of endless supply of milk, her fav wind-up yellow duck singing "How much is that doggy in the window?" and Mona dolly dancing around in a manner only a pink, digit-lacking soft toy could.
Maya and me lead a fascinating life too. We dream....not so much about milk and toys and dolls, oh my! (pardon the shameless rip off on the Wizard of Oz)...no, we dream of dreaming!
You see, a close friend based in the UK asked me tonight "Hey, how come you're awake? Isnt it near midnight?" I explained the following to her:
+ Antara would be asleep in 5 mins
+ M in 5mins 5 secs &
+ Yours truly in 5mins 15 secs (it takes 10 secs to turn off the light, trip on the bed, curse twice and collapse into a fitful sleep :))
A tough 3 months at the office, the first 3 months of parenthood, the last 3 months of M's maternity leave and 3 months of seemingly constant upheaval have left M and me - for the lack of a better term - dream deprived. We arent tired, we arent disillusioned, we arent over the moon - we're sleepy and we sleep dark, dreamless nights of sleep. A good 15 hr night of sleep, doorbell failures in the morning and a nice night of dreams should fix us up nice. But 15 hrs of sleep??? Dream on, Hari!
There M, kept up my tag. This tag goes to Aparna (in the last weeks of her pregnancy) - write about your dreams. What does an expecting mom in the last weeks of preggyhood dream about??
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
The birth of personality
"Drink baby, drink". Swing by our flat ANYTIME of night or day and odds are you will hear this cry. You see our wee babe is learning to feed using a bottle.
M will soon be heading back to watercooler gossip, monday morning blues, arguments and crazy work hours. I.e. she is headed back to work. So, while she will miss the li'l tyke, we need to get our kid to get used to feeding from something other than mom.
Ant is 2.5 months old. So, this creates a new problem. You see she is beginning to show the first signs of personality. And like her dad learning Italian, she is learning the bad stuff first. She has started building her personality with the following traits - stubborness, sulking, naughtiness.
Three exhibits to illustrate my point -
1> Naughtiness: Put the bottle in her mouth, and she will rotate that tiny head of hers to get a better look at mom. She will look M square in the eye and simply manipulate that rubber nipple out of her mouth using her new best friend - her tongue. And then grin at mom! *Smart-ass alert*
2> Stubbornness: The other day, M had to step out for a couple of hours and our nanny - yes we needed one to remain sane - gainfully tried to feed Ant from the aforementioned bottle. No dice!
She simply cried herself to a hungry sleep. Cant wait for the 'terrible twos'.
3> (My favourite) Sulking: The same day, M gets home and Ant wakes up. Shes hungry and tired. But she will not look at M. That's right - she sulked. Refused to look at mom, fed grudgingly and ignored poor M for most of the evening. This at 2.5 months!
Of course, I am dad. And everyone knows that daughters and dads have a special bond. So, we have her good personality trait show up - Shyness. One grin from me and she responds with a shy grin. She always has a slight blush, even turns her little face away and covers it with her tiny paws. Cool bananas!!
Dont get me wrong - overall, shes a gem. Sleeps 7 hours at night allowing mom to sleep. Will kiss me on demand (the best trick ever) and enjoys a good round of rough-housing with dad. But, if only she would have that damn bottle!
So, what we have is the birth of personality. The good, the bad and the pretty (hey, its my daughter).
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Motherhood - the new fitness regime??
Maya trimmed her hair the other day, and when i came home I have to say she looked amazing.
Early on in our pregnancy, the big fear echoed by all was that she would pack on the pounds and then find it difficult to lose. Both of us have had to fight minor weight/ego battles in the past and so this seemed the worst part of the whole deal (though all-day scratching and launching a 3kg baby from your insides would have to be a close 2nd for her).
So, we went through the pregnancy, got a glowing baby and Maya healed. All is now fine and when the dust settled we found a most peculiar (i mean this in the nicest way) occurence. Maya is in fighting shape!
Screw the gym. Screw diets. She has a healthy baby and looks nothing like a typical "mom". She herself was shocked by the reaction (read her post on this: Maya's blogpost ).
But, the post-haircut Maya really truly made me look at this girl in my life and feel proud. She has gone through some major physical tests recently, and I must say she has come out the winner.
A short post dedicated to M. And photographic proof of what I am talking about:
As for me, I continue to yoyo. First an emaciated malnourised soul, and then a healthy, downright chubby, man the next day. Oh well. 1 out of 2 aint bad!
Monday, August 20, 2007
Child is truly the father of man
Ms. Antara "Pebbles" Hari aka Antu aka Pebs aka Antu the chamtu (sweetheart) is gazing at me right now. She has finished feeding and is being burped by mummy. What a month!
Pebbles: Aa...uhhhh!
She of the grey-brown eyes has M and me wrapped around her tiny fingers. She is dependant on us for pretty much everything and that means we have truly discovered how long 24 hours can be. Also, team Maya&Hari is now a finely tuned unit - we can change a poop-filled diaper for a clean one, after cleaning, powdering, cleaning again cos she pee'd while we cleaned, powdering again and strapping on the Pampers. I use the brand name as I am hoping they pay me for the product insert in my blog. Of course, I hope they pay me with a years supply of diapers.. at Rs.10 a pop, we are running up some serious bills here.
Pebbles: eeeeee..
We got her a subtle (not noisy) rattle but she loves the noisy one. M wanted to get her a classy beige boppy but she loves the bright pink one our friend got her. She kicks furiously at the ball in her little play gym and loves the "How much is the doggy?" tune which comes from the wind-up ducky. No big surprises so far...
She ocassionally gets bored and yanks on her own hair. What follows is a blood-curdling scream from the 2-footer! If that doesnt work, she manages to scrape her own face with her little nails. Crazy stuff..
But what truly gets us going is how much of a 50:50 she is of M and me. She has my face but M's mannerisms. She has my expressions but M's yawn. Her blood group but my feet (photographic proof right here).
She panics at every small noise but flashes a big grin when she is most comfortable or happy. She loves to feel cool, so no blankets for her...
What i love best about our baby is that she is so predictable and yet so surprising, all at once.
Pebbles: Aa - eee!!
Friday, July 20, 2007
Father of the babe is me
Easily the most life-changing event of my life. M and I became parents in the most dramatic fashion.
The scene: A typical friday morning
The protagonists:
1. M (on her way to appointment #2,345,678 with the Gynaec)
2. The gynaec (a "to the point" lady who we really respect)
3. Hari (at a board meeting trying to impress board members)
4. Pebbles (the heroine who was on her way)
Lights....camera....ACTION!
With about 10 mins to go for my turn in front of the board, M sends me an SMS "Its happening now. I am being admitted now. Please come soon."
HVK: "Whaaa???"
With his brain whizzing, Hari calls M and confirms the news. The baby is locked and loaded. She is on her way out. OMG!
With his brain in this mode, Hari proceeds to meet the much-feared "board". With his mind in lala land, he commits the impossible, smiles at every blow dished out and bows in theatrical fashion to conclude a very average board meeting. Making his excuses, he sprints out the conf. room and dashes for the car.
HVK(on phone): "Sekar - bring the car around...pronto!"
Sekar: "Enna Saaar??" ("What sir?")
HVK: "Car...bring...now!"
Sekar: "Ess saar....grympalagog" ("Yes sir...grympalagog (undecipherable nonsense)")
HVK with crazy Sekar at the wheel dashes to Lilavati Hospital.
M is 2cms dilated (gory details always on this blog), and is beginning to experience the much-hyped "contractions".
WTF Hari, why are you not there yet??? I know why, ol' "Left Sekar Leffft" is at the wheel.
HVK: "Faster Sekar...its urgent"
Sekar: (stoic silence)
HVK: "STEP ON IT, YOU DIRECTION-IMPAIRED LUNATIC. A TRAINED MONKEY COULD GET ME THERE FASTER!"
Sekar: "Right edthukunoman?" ("Do i need to take a right?")
HVK: "(bleep) you (bleep)"
Sekar: "Why didn't you say that in the first place, crazy man?"
We reached around 1pm and found M calm and checked in to the 11th floor super-duper extra-primo luxury floor of Lilavati. (note to self: must nego for raise on Monday)
Then begins the wait!
TIME: 2PM
Gynaec: "M is dilated but no progress...see you in 2 hours."
M: "Its beginning to hurt..."
Gyny: "And so it should. See you in 2 hrs. Nurse - do the NST every 10 mins until i say stop"
(Break for explanation:
NST: Stress test to check if the contractions result in the baby progressing down the delivery canal.
End of break.)
TIME: 4PM
Gyny: "M has made marginal progress but still a few hrs to go. Normal delivery still poss. Lets not rush."
M:"Thanks doc" (Thinking: I love this woman. So in control. No rush for C-section.)
Gyny: "Keep those NSTs going nurse. See you after my interview on TV."
TIME: 7PM
Exact same conversation as above.
TIME:9PM
And again.
TIME: 11PM
Gyny: "Ok, now we really need to ask ourselves - could we be doing something more fun. I know I could. I will give it till 2am. If you aint ready, we may have to move to option 2"
M:"Ok."
Gyny:"Nurse.."
Nurse:"Yeah, yeah, i know. Freakin NST."
TIME:2AM
Gyny:"M, Hari - I think the baby is healthy but tired. We need to get the li'l rascal out and we should not wait anymore. I am going to recommend emergency c-section"
M/HVK: "Okie doke." (Thinking: Pls let this go well)
TIME: 2.45AM
HVK(In changing room - thats right, I'm getting kitted up to go see my girl get cut up. ): "Where do I scrub in, doc? Where the f%^& are the face masks? Wheres Zack Braff when you need him?"
TIME: 3.10AM
Gyny (through surgi mask): "Come in Hari. M is prepped. You need to keep her calm."
HVK (stepping into real Op. theatre for 1st time & pretending to look brave): "Yes doc."
Gyny: "And Hari, you faint in there and I will post the video on YouTube."
HVK (sitting next to M's head as the surgery starts): "I love you M. Stay calm. Im here."
TIME: 3.25AM, Saturday, July 14, 2007, Lilavati Hospital 1st floor OT, Bandra(W), Mumbai, India.
Gyny: "Congratulations."
HVK: "Stay calm M. I'm he....whaaa already??"
HVK (standing up): "What is it? Boy or girl?"
Gyny:"Girl, of course"
HVK/M (with broad smiles on both faces):"Good!" (Thinking: Good, we didnt have a good boy name anyhow!)
Asst. Gyny (making tiny baby kiss M's face): "Here's your beautiful daughter!"
HVK: "Dont worry M. I will be here till they complete." (Thinking: I need a strategy to keep boys away from my baby girl. She's a looker and boys are baaaad)
TIME: 5.55AM, Back in the uber-luxury room. M is back, all sewed up and in recovery. M's mom looks relieved. HVK is exhausted and has managed to get out of his "scrubs".
HVK: "M, I would like to introduce you to your beautiful daughter - Antara. I will call her "Pebbles"."
So, that my friends is the story of Pebbles. Her entry into our lives, the 15 hours of labour her mom went through for her, and the story of how a hugely successful and confident MBA - me - became a nappy-changing, baby-butt-powdering, 3am lullaby singing, daddy of the babe!
(PS: Antara in Sanskrit means "From within. From the heart.")
(PPS: Pebbles in Sanskrit means absolutely nothing.)
The scene: A typical friday morning
The protagonists:
1. M (on her way to appointment #2,345,678 with the Gynaec)
2. The gynaec (a "to the point" lady who we really respect)
3. Hari (at a board meeting trying to impress board members)
4. Pebbles (the heroine who was on her way)
Lights....camera....ACTION!
With about 10 mins to go for my turn in front of the board, M sends me an SMS "Its happening now. I am being admitted now. Please come soon."
HVK: "Whaaa???"
With his brain whizzing, Hari calls M and confirms the news. The baby is locked and loaded. She is on her way out. OMG!
With his brain in this mode, Hari proceeds to meet the much-feared "board". With his mind in lala land, he commits the impossible, smiles at every blow dished out and bows in theatrical fashion to conclude a very average board meeting. Making his excuses, he sprints out the conf. room and dashes for the car.
HVK(on phone): "Sekar - bring the car around...pronto!"
Sekar: "Enna Saaar??" ("What sir?")
HVK: "Car...bring...now!"
Sekar: "Ess saar....grympalagog" ("Yes sir...grympalagog (undecipherable nonsense)")
HVK with crazy Sekar at the wheel dashes to Lilavati Hospital.
M is 2cms dilated (gory details always on this blog), and is beginning to experience the much-hyped "contractions".
WTF Hari, why are you not there yet??? I know why, ol' "Left Sekar Leffft" is at the wheel.
HVK: "Faster Sekar...its urgent"
Sekar: (stoic silence)
HVK: "STEP ON IT, YOU DIRECTION-IMPAIRED LUNATIC. A TRAINED MONKEY COULD GET ME THERE FASTER!"
Sekar: "Right edthukunoman?" ("Do i need to take a right?")
HVK: "
Sekar: "Why didn't you say that in the first place, crazy man?"
We reached around 1pm and found M calm and checked in to the 11th floor super-duper extra-primo luxury floor of Lilavati. (note to self: must nego for raise on Monday)
Then begins the wait!
TIME: 2PM
Gynaec: "M is dilated but no progress...see you in 2 hours."
M: "Its beginning to hurt..."
Gyny: "And so it should. See you in 2 hrs. Nurse - do the NST every 10 mins until i say stop"
(Break for explanation:
NST: Stress test to check if the contractions result in the baby progressing down the delivery canal.
End of break.)
TIME: 4PM
Gyny: "M has made marginal progress but still a few hrs to go. Normal delivery still poss. Lets not rush."
M:"Thanks doc" (Thinking: I love this woman. So in control. No rush for C-section.)
Gyny: "Keep those NSTs going nurse. See you after my interview on TV."
TIME: 7PM
Exact same conversation as above.
TIME:9PM
And again.
TIME: 11PM
Gyny: "Ok, now we really need to ask ourselves - could we be doing something more fun. I know I could. I will give it till 2am. If you aint ready, we may have to move to option 2"
M:"Ok."
Gyny:"Nurse.."
Nurse:"Yeah, yeah, i know. Freakin NST."
TIME:2AM
Gyny:"M, Hari - I think the baby is healthy but tired. We need to get the li'l rascal out and we should not wait anymore. I am going to recommend emergency c-section"
M/HVK: "Okie doke." (Thinking: Pls let this go well)
TIME: 2.45AM
HVK(In changing room - thats right, I'm getting kitted up to go see my girl get cut up. ): "Where do I scrub in, doc? Where the f%^& are the face masks? Wheres Zack Braff when you need him?"
TIME: 3.10AM
Gyny (through surgi mask): "Come in Hari. M is prepped. You need to keep her calm."
HVK (stepping into real Op. theatre for 1st time & pretending to look brave): "Yes doc."
Gyny: "And Hari, you faint in there and I will post the video on YouTube."
HVK (sitting next to M's head as the surgery starts): "I love you M. Stay calm. Im here."
TIME: 3.25AM, Saturday, July 14, 2007, Lilavati Hospital 1st floor OT, Bandra(W), Mumbai, India.
Gyny: "Congratulations."
HVK: "Stay calm M. I'm he....whaaa already??"
HVK (standing up): "What is it? Boy or girl?"
Gyny:"Girl, of course"
HVK/M (with broad smiles on both faces):"Good!" (Thinking: Good, we didnt have a good boy name anyhow!)
Asst. Gyny (making tiny baby kiss M's face): "Here's your beautiful daughter!"
HVK: "Dont worry M. I will be here till they complete." (Thinking: I need a strategy to keep boys away from my baby girl. She's a looker and boys are baaaad)
TIME: 5.55AM, Back in the uber-luxury room. M is back, all sewed up and in recovery. M's mom looks relieved. HVK is exhausted and has managed to get out of his "scrubs".
HVK: "M, I would like to introduce you to your beautiful daughter - Antara. I will call her "Pebbles"."
So, that my friends is the story of Pebbles. Her entry into our lives, the 15 hours of labour her mom went through for her, and the story of how a hugely successful and confident MBA - me - became a nappy-changing, baby-butt-powdering, 3am lullaby singing, daddy of the babe!
(PS: Antara in Sanskrit means "From within. From the heart.")
(PPS: Pebbles in Sanskrit means absolutely nothing.)
Friday, June 29, 2007
The gentleman's game
Three of my favourite sports - all of which I have played at varied levels of seriousness - have a cool cliche that covers them
"Soccer is a gentleman's game played by ruffians, Rugby is a ruffians game played by gentlemen, Football (American) is a ruffians game played by ruffians..."
Cliches apart, Rugby is truly a gentlemens game. Having played, watched and studied this game, I now of the camaraderie within the game. Players, coaches, even refs will be at each others throats during the game and sharing a beer right after - in a refined manner of course ;-).
While in the US, i found it hard to find good rugby to watch on TV, but this changed at INSEAD. Getting a chance to play full contact rugby with a bunch of huge britishers, aussies and kiwis was a great challenge. Ok - I lied, the kiwi was pretty small actually, but the rest were big. One of the aussies was a coach and taught us non-rugby pros the skills of taking a bigger dude off his feet. The sheer joy of skillfully hitting someone and taking over the football is awesome!
Now, why am I reminiscing on these days past? I discovered Australia Network on TV and they have live rugby every weekend. Things only got better when I saw them showing live All Blacks rugby - yummy!!! Those kiwis and their ability to incessantly hit people, their intimidating haka upfront, and the flair of their pass-work are all things of beauty. The weekends are looking way up...for me at least.
The only downside is the risk of some collateral damage - watch out guys at work, I may line you up a good hit and then invoke the two golden rules of office life:
Rule#1: The boss is always right
Rule #2: If the boss is wrong, refer to rule #1. So, yeeeeeehaw!!!
Final shot: For those of you doubters out there, wondering when the f%^& did this dude dream that he actually played rugby, these 3 pics are for you. All my stories arent made up, after all :)
I just knocked the stuffing outta that brit:
Drinks for the winners:
Scoring the winning try of our first round game of beach rugby in Singapore:
"Soccer is a gentleman's game played by ruffians, Rugby is a ruffians game played by gentlemen, Football (American) is a ruffians game played by ruffians..."
Cliches apart, Rugby is truly a gentlemens game. Having played, watched and studied this game, I now of the camaraderie within the game. Players, coaches, even refs will be at each others throats during the game and sharing a beer right after - in a refined manner of course ;-).
While in the US, i found it hard to find good rugby to watch on TV, but this changed at INSEAD. Getting a chance to play full contact rugby with a bunch of huge britishers, aussies and kiwis was a great challenge. Ok - I lied, the kiwi was pretty small actually, but the rest were big. One of the aussies was a coach and taught us non-rugby pros the skills of taking a bigger dude off his feet. The sheer joy of skillfully hitting someone and taking over the football is awesome!
Now, why am I reminiscing on these days past? I discovered Australia Network on TV and they have live rugby every weekend. Things only got better when I saw them showing live All Blacks rugby - yummy!!! Those kiwis and their ability to incessantly hit people, their intimidating haka upfront, and the flair of their pass-work are all things of beauty. The weekends are looking way up...for me at least.
The only downside is the risk of some collateral damage - watch out guys at work, I may line you up a good hit and then invoke the two golden rules of office life:
Rule#1: The boss is always right
Rule #2: If the boss is wrong, refer to rule #1. So, yeeeeeehaw!!!
Final shot: For those of you doubters out there, wondering when the f%^& did this dude dream that he actually played rugby, these 3 pics are for you. All my stories arent made up, after all :)
I just knocked the stuffing outta that brit:
Drinks for the winners:
Scoring the winning try of our first round game of beach rugby in Singapore:
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Planetary collision
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus...so goes the cliche. Good thing too, 'cos Mars rulz!
But, I'm not so sure anymore....
With changing times, choices and preferences, the line between the societal roles fulfilled by men and women is blurring. Throw in some centuries old traditions, corporate policies struggling to cope, rapidly changing lifestyle and you see the pot-boiler which is the average urban Indian household. I say urban, as I am totally ignorant of the trends in rural India, and for no other reason.
Men in India are becoming Metrosexual and women are often "power chicks". DINKs (Dual Income No Kids) are pretty much the norm for most young households today. Women want so much more from their careers and men want more work/life balance. This is all fine except for one major problem - the societal, corporate and mental machinery in place needs to change.
If, nay when, i go to a spa, it is common to find treatments and timings for women. This is probably 80%+ of their Indian clientele. But, I am a massage whore and cant get enough of a good back rub. Very often the spa has to make changes or adjustments to accomodate a man. "Would you like a couple massage, sir?" is usually the helpful response. "Only if I get to have 2 massages!" is my response. I mean a guy going for a massage by himeself...wow!
When I went for a haircut recently (to my painfully pricey barber), I was pleasantly surprised to see a man getting a manicure and pedicure. But, before I could celebrate the emancipation of the Indian male, I recognized the dude. A famous Bollywood director. Everyone knows that separate rules apply to celebs. Sigh... But, patience Hari, patience. Just as I finished my session, a young college guy (not a model) walked in an decided to go in for a Rs.7000 hair treatment which would easily take away his entire afternoon and evening. Maybe there is hope....
My point is this - if a dude wants to take care of himself and pamper his ego, he should be allowed to do so. This aint the sole right of the housewife.
Example #2. My wife and I split all chores. She makes many financial decisions, and I often order the veggies. I reckon i'm the better (or atleast more fussy) cook. She clearly scores over me in maths. She would love to drive the car, and I must have a vote in selecting our household furniture. This aint a total role reversal, before you guys start rolling your eyes. She loves beautiful pictures and I love sports. But, the point is that many things are "reversed".
But, now we have a problem. My wife is pregnant and she gets a ton of maternity leave. Obviously! But, guess what - I need to be happy with much less. Its fair that we work for different companies, but the one thing I found most progressive in my previous employer was that they had the same length for maternity and paternity leave.
I plan to be a very involved father, but the systems in place wont make it easy. The thought is often "Dude, be involved, but a father should get less time off than the mother." Uh, huh. WTF?? I mean why??
If women can get equal pay and equal benefits, I want equal time to enjoy my baby. In western countries, these systems have evolved and many companies realise that dual-income couples need both parents to be able to "tag team" during all stages in life, including parenting.
We, in India, have a much better societal support system. Families help raise kids and young couples dont feel as isolated as in the west. However, some systems still need to evolve. It's assumed that my mom-in-law or mom will do the supporting role to M when I go back to earn the family bread. I would love for them to be involved, but lets be clear. I am the support system.
So, this means a need for change in mindsets, in HR policies, in corporate policies, and in society overall. As we move towards a balance of our historically joint families to nuclear couples, we need to find a good middle ground. This will take time, but the changes need to start happening soon.
I think its time for many people to realize a vital fact. The planets have collided and Mars & Venus dont look the same anymore.
But, I'm not so sure anymore....
With changing times, choices and preferences, the line between the societal roles fulfilled by men and women is blurring. Throw in some centuries old traditions, corporate policies struggling to cope, rapidly changing lifestyle and you see the pot-boiler which is the average urban Indian household. I say urban, as I am totally ignorant of the trends in rural India, and for no other reason.
Men in India are becoming Metrosexual and women are often "power chicks". DINKs (Dual Income No Kids) are pretty much the norm for most young households today. Women want so much more from their careers and men want more work/life balance. This is all fine except for one major problem - the societal, corporate and mental machinery in place needs to change.
If, nay when, i go to a spa, it is common to find treatments and timings for women. This is probably 80%+ of their Indian clientele. But, I am a massage whore and cant get enough of a good back rub. Very often the spa has to make changes or adjustments to accomodate a man. "Would you like a couple massage, sir?" is usually the helpful response. "Only if I get to have 2 massages!" is my response. I mean a guy going for a massage by himeself...wow!
When I went for a haircut recently (to my painfully pricey barber), I was pleasantly surprised to see a man getting a manicure and pedicure. But, before I could celebrate the emancipation of the Indian male, I recognized the dude. A famous Bollywood director. Everyone knows that separate rules apply to celebs. Sigh... But, patience Hari, patience. Just as I finished my session, a young college guy (not a model) walked in an decided to go in for a Rs.7000 hair treatment which would easily take away his entire afternoon and evening. Maybe there is hope....
My point is this - if a dude wants to take care of himself and pamper his ego, he should be allowed to do so. This aint the sole right of the housewife.
Example #2. My wife and I split all chores. She makes many financial decisions, and I often order the veggies. I reckon i'm the better (or atleast more fussy) cook. She clearly scores over me in maths. She would love to drive the car, and I must have a vote in selecting our household furniture. This aint a total role reversal, before you guys start rolling your eyes. She loves beautiful pictures and I love sports. But, the point is that many things are "reversed".
But, now we have a problem. My wife is pregnant and she gets a ton of maternity leave. Obviously! But, guess what - I need to be happy with much less. Its fair that we work for different companies, but the one thing I found most progressive in my previous employer was that they had the same length for maternity and paternity leave.
I plan to be a very involved father, but the systems in place wont make it easy. The thought is often "Dude, be involved, but a father should get less time off than the mother." Uh, huh. WTF?? I mean why??
If women can get equal pay and equal benefits, I want equal time to enjoy my baby. In western countries, these systems have evolved and many companies realise that dual-income couples need both parents to be able to "tag team" during all stages in life, including parenting.
We, in India, have a much better societal support system. Families help raise kids and young couples dont feel as isolated as in the west. However, some systems still need to evolve. It's assumed that my mom-in-law or mom will do the supporting role to M when I go back to earn the family bread. I would love for them to be involved, but lets be clear. I am the support system.
So, this means a need for change in mindsets, in HR policies, in corporate policies, and in society overall. As we move towards a balance of our historically joint families to nuclear couples, we need to find a good middle ground. This will take time, but the changes need to start happening soon.
I think its time for many people to realize a vital fact. The planets have collided and Mars & Venus dont look the same anymore.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Blink and you WILL miss it
I am a sports fan - I will watch pretty much anything - rugby, cricket, football, baseball, etc. I have had the privilege of watching several of these sports from inside a stadium. As any true sports fan will tell you, very often the best moments, the ones that build up the excitement and give you a true understanding of the sport, are the moments in between the actual action. Watching a rugby captain rally his team before the scrum, a football team waiting to enter the stadium, and then discussing strategy before kick-off or the on-field discussions between overs in a cricket match.
Well, Sony TV, with all their "official telecaster" money to recover went one step too far during the recently concluded Australia vs The Rest "World Cup". No sooner was the over be called, SONY swung into action educating us on the reasons why VISA would somehow affect our "Mind, Body, Heart & Soul". I mean - WTF???
It got worse. They come back from the break and see that the bowler has been switched and some new chap is practicing his bowling action. Immediatement, SONY gives us a dose of another brand or doubles up our VISA pleasure. We come back from this unwanted second break to see the bowler already reaching the crease (the entire runup has been missed). The ball is hurled towards the batsman who dodges it like a live handgrenade. We immediately get to enjoy a large banner across the top of the TV screen talking about how Bharatmatrimony.com will get us all married ASAP. This ad manages to cover the face of the batsman who was either grinning or mouthing an obscenity (so no idea if I should be happy or getting fired up). The bowler reaches his crease and hurls another grenade which is despatched from the field. An idiotic tiger leaps out, does a loud bhangra (can we pls hear some other kind of music) and starts dancing and screaming. No idea what the commentators are saying, no idea what the crowd is cheering. I know we have a retarded tiger dancing for his life on my screen. The ball takes more than 10secs to return to the field...so...off we go with VISA again "Min, body, a$$ and ....."
Goddammit..$hit...WTF...
I am a sports fan and I am a proud Indian. I love the fact that we have the richest, most powerful cricket board in the world. I (unlike the BCCI and some other whining ninny Indian "fans") dont care if Tendli promotes tires or Dada promotes Viagra. Good for them - Indians finally getting their due.
But, this is where we started losing control. The BCCI starts charging a hellish amount for the various series. People use unethical methods to win. They are forced to try and recover these funds and join in the moneyfest that is modern-day cricket. Cricketers and brands are seen everywhere and all the time. The ugly side of capitalism. I pray we gain control of it fast, before we sell our very souls.
But what SONY did was worse than anything I have seen anywhere. Even in Aussieland and the US (bastions of advertising driven sport), the sport and enjoyment of every second of it is sacred. You screw around with 1 second of a superbowl prep huddle before the game, and you will be staring at the business end of the mother of all lawsuits. Consumers want to see the game. If we see better quality TV (with more angles, etc.) because of all the money surrounding the game, good! But, dont take away the actual game.
I feel SONY should be fined and made to apologize to the Indian cricket fan. Regulation might be the only way to keep these greedy TV channels in check and forcing them to show us the damn game. This may work to push down what they are willing to pay for rights. This in turn may drive down BCCI revenues slightly, and push some of their ego down. But other than that I see no "negative" side effect.
Professional sports are entertainment for the masses. If we dont see the damn game, we are not entertained!!!! SONY - bad show. You managed to f$%^ up a pretty f'd up World Cup.
I pray that when India starts winning again, I can atleast see the look on Gilchrist's face when he is struck by a Zaheer bouncer. I pray for that with my "Mind, Body, Heart & Soul"
Well, Sony TV, with all their "official telecaster" money to recover went one step too far during the recently concluded Australia vs The Rest "World Cup". No sooner was the over be called, SONY swung into action educating us on the reasons why VISA would somehow affect our "Mind, Body, Heart & Soul". I mean - WTF???
It got worse. They come back from the break and see that the bowler has been switched and some new chap is practicing his bowling action. Immediatement, SONY gives us a dose of another brand or doubles up our VISA pleasure. We come back from this unwanted second break to see the bowler already reaching the crease (the entire runup has been missed). The ball is hurled towards the batsman who dodges it like a live handgrenade. We immediately get to enjoy a large banner across the top of the TV screen talking about how Bharatmatrimony.com will get us all married ASAP. This ad manages to cover the face of the batsman who was either grinning or mouthing an obscenity (so no idea if I should be happy or getting fired up). The bowler reaches his crease and hurls another grenade which is despatched from the field. An idiotic tiger leaps out, does a loud bhangra (can we pls hear some other kind of music) and starts dancing and screaming. No idea what the commentators are saying, no idea what the crowd is cheering. I know we have a retarded tiger dancing for his life on my screen. The ball takes more than 10secs to return to the field...so...off we go with VISA again "Min, body, a$$ and ....."
Goddammit..$hit...WTF...
I am a sports fan and I am a proud Indian. I love the fact that we have the richest, most powerful cricket board in the world. I (unlike the BCCI and some other whining ninny Indian "fans") dont care if Tendli promotes tires or Dada promotes Viagra. Good for them - Indians finally getting their due.
But, this is where we started losing control. The BCCI starts charging a hellish amount for the various series. People use unethical methods to win. They are forced to try and recover these funds and join in the moneyfest that is modern-day cricket. Cricketers and brands are seen everywhere and all the time. The ugly side of capitalism. I pray we gain control of it fast, before we sell our very souls.
But what SONY did was worse than anything I have seen anywhere. Even in Aussieland and the US (bastions of advertising driven sport), the sport and enjoyment of every second of it is sacred. You screw around with 1 second of a superbowl prep huddle before the game, and you will be staring at the business end of the mother of all lawsuits. Consumers want to see the game. If we see better quality TV (with more angles, etc.) because of all the money surrounding the game, good! But, dont take away the actual game.
I feel SONY should be fined and made to apologize to the Indian cricket fan. Regulation might be the only way to keep these greedy TV channels in check and forcing them to show us the damn game. This may work to push down what they are willing to pay for rights. This in turn may drive down BCCI revenues slightly, and push some of their ego down. But other than that I see no "negative" side effect.
Professional sports are entertainment for the masses. If we dont see the damn game, we are not entertained!!!! SONY - bad show. You managed to f$%^ up a pretty f'd up World Cup.
I pray that when India starts winning again, I can atleast see the look on Gilchrist's face when he is struck by a Zaheer bouncer. I pray for that with my "Mind, Body, Heart & Soul"
Friday, April 13, 2007
What kind of animal is an MBA?
I spent this week having several exhaustive career discussions - my own, my wife's and my sub-ordinates. This was Annual performance review week at my company and we all were judged for our performances and set ourselves nice unattainable goals for the year to come.
During this process, I spent a good time analyzing my career - the past, the present and the future. I also had a couple of discussions about my MBA and how it shaped me.
This most infamous of all degrees seems to carry a certain aura with it. The mere mention of it is sufficient to generate an emotion. Respect, awe and loathing seem to be the most common ones.
Being a passionate naturalist, I like to imagine people as animals. While many observers make the mistake of giving animals human-like emotions (eg. cunning like a fox), I go the other way. "Doesn't that man look like a mole-rat?" - a classic example of a question uttered by yours' truly resulted in a poor chap at my ex-company being labeled the "mole rat".
This week got me thinking about us MBAs. What animal best represents us? I did a very unscientific survey of some subjects who are VERY prone to bias and got some answers:
1. Tiger (because we are aggressive)
2. Hyena (because we pick on the weak)
3. Elephant (Because thats the size of our heads)
4. Peacock (because we prance around like them)
5. Salmon (because we always seem to be swimming in the wrong direction)
All, very interesting indeed....and in some cases, just a wee bit insulting.
However, I decided to examine my own classmates. They seemed to have the above characteristics all right. But they seemed to have something else in common. An emotion which is perhaps a result of the above characteristics. We are all RESTLESS.
All of us think we need to rule the world. We must be the next Arthur Keller (a little snooty inside joke for my fellow INSEADers out there - give it up for "ze Camembert" y'all). We jolly well better be running a big show and changing the world.
Sadly most of us aint in a position to match that expectation. So, we get restless. We move, and quite often, we move again. Within the company, outside the company, outside the country, outside the continent.... Time and again, we switch positions yearning for that perfect job. Many of us are very good at what we do, but it just never seems enough.
The challenge seems to be - curb your insatiable thirst for instant gratification, and show some damn patience! But damn-it-all....I know I am better than this!
So, this brings me back to my central point. We might be super-arrogant, aggressive, prancing, counter-current swimming hyenas, but in all reality there is only one creature which could be a perfect metaphor for an MBA.
Aw heck - we are nothing more than a swarm of butterflies! Flitting from one pretty flower to
the next, in the never-ending quest for the perfect nectar. Sad though this might be, the arrogant MBA in me has two things to say:
1. This life is short (like a butterfly's) - we might as well enjoy the variety.
2. At least we made it to the butterfly stage and didn't get stuck as caterpillars!
During this process, I spent a good time analyzing my career - the past, the present and the future. I also had a couple of discussions about my MBA and how it shaped me.
This most infamous of all degrees seems to carry a certain aura with it. The mere mention of it is sufficient to generate an emotion. Respect, awe and loathing seem to be the most common ones.
Being a passionate naturalist, I like to imagine people as animals. While many observers make the mistake of giving animals human-like emotions (eg. cunning like a fox), I go the other way. "Doesn't that man look like a mole-rat?" - a classic example of a question uttered by yours' truly resulted in a poor chap at my ex-company being labeled the "mole rat".
This week got me thinking about us MBAs. What animal best represents us? I did a very unscientific survey of some subjects who are VERY prone to bias and got some answers:
1. Tiger (because we are aggressive)
2. Hyena (because we pick on the weak)
3. Elephant (Because thats the size of our heads)
4. Peacock (because we prance around like them)
5. Salmon (because we always seem to be swimming in the wrong direction)
All, very interesting indeed....and in some cases, just a wee bit insulting.
However, I decided to examine my own classmates. They seemed to have the above characteristics all right. But they seemed to have something else in common. An emotion which is perhaps a result of the above characteristics. We are all RESTLESS.
All of us think we need to rule the world. We must be the next Arthur Keller (a little snooty inside joke for my fellow INSEADers out there - give it up for "ze Camembert" y'all). We jolly well better be running a big show and changing the world.
Sadly most of us aint in a position to match that expectation. So, we get restless. We move, and quite often, we move again. Within the company, outside the company, outside the country, outside the continent.... Time and again, we switch positions yearning for that perfect job. Many of us are very good at what we do, but it just never seems enough.
The challenge seems to be - curb your insatiable thirst for instant gratification, and show some damn patience! But damn-it-all....I know I am better than this!
So, this brings me back to my central point. We might be super-arrogant, aggressive, prancing, counter-current swimming hyenas, but in all reality there is only one creature which could be a perfect metaphor for an MBA.
Aw heck - we are nothing more than a swarm of butterflies! Flitting from one pretty flower to
the next, in the never-ending quest for the perfect nectar. Sad though this might be, the arrogant MBA in me has two things to say:1. This life is short (like a butterfly's) - we might as well enjoy the variety.
2. At least we made it to the butterfly stage and didn't get stuck as caterpillars!
Friday, April 6, 2007
Dal, bikinis and coke - oh my!
Everyone who knows me, knows I love watching TV, and have always wanted to work in media. I have flirted with working there, but have not quite got there yet.
Well, my team needed to spend yesterday screening TV channels to understand where we should advertise and where we could get max bang for our marketing bucks.
The scene: An under-renovation office of our media-buying agency.
The protagonists: 3 startup marketing folks + 2 media buyers
The target: 8 TV channel groups representing 12 TV channels in total
The hook: Our next TV spends
We all sat on one side of a long table, ready to poke, prod and interrogate the TV channel folks who would sit on the other side of the long table. The stale smell in the air, the moderately lit room - it all conjured up images of a KGB interrogation.
H (in a commanding tone): "Sit down, Mr. TV channel guy!"
TV Channel guy: "Sure thing, Mr. H. It's a pleasure to meet you. I have always wanted..."
H (in a condescending tone): "Yeah, yeah, whatever...now lets get down to brass tacks!"
H (after ominous pause): "I want a gazillion exposures of my 30s commercial. I want this for near nothing. And you will give it to me! Why? Because I damn well say so!"
Team after sorry team took the hot seat and were subjected to this line of discussion. We were particularly harsh on the ones who seemed overly (or unreasonably) cocky! This is what happens to big co. execs who come to the negotiation table with a team from a startup, and for once the bargaining chips (i.e. money) are on this side of the table.
"Muhahahahahaha!"
Sorry, but I felt the scene called for an evil laugh.
That is not to say that some did not get away from our harsh line of "negotiation". There were exceptions of course. My fav channel is Discovery T&L, and when they walked in, yours truly was not harsh at all. Heck, I was too busy trying to whack their programming guide. What a beaut!
Another tragic incident came around lunchtime. We had been going non-stop for 4 hours and had met 5 tough teams. Lunch had finally arrived and was brought into the conf. room. Just as we marvelled at the 20 odd containers of oily dal, greasy veggies, rotis and pulao, one of our media buyers pounced. Now, this chappie has been often at the wrong end of our price negotiations. He took this opportune moment to exact an unusually cruel revenge.
He brought in one of the key TV channel teams, just as our team dug into the chow. There we were...oily dal spilling all over the table, mouths full of chewy rotis and totally incapable of properly introducing ourselves to the "victims", leave alone question them. What a deft move, and that too by our own media buyer. Nice!
Well, we slobbered through the nego, and I think we might actually still do business together. Not our finest moment.
We were on a roll by now, and had mastered some of our stories. Like any day of serial-meetings, we soon could not stand the $hit coming out of our mouths. We had this one line "We are like coke & pepsi. Don't put us in the same channel band as our competition!" This line had been repeated ad nauseum, and by evening, we were in splits every time the line was uttered. Lord alone knows what the folks in the by now not-so-hot seat were thinking. It was probably something like this -
TV channel person: So, we think we could slip you into slot XYZ and sponsor program ABC...
Someone on our team: We must mention that we....well, we are like in a very competitive market...(snickering begins)....
Our team continues: ...We see ourselves, well, honestly..quite like Coke & Pesi (loud snickering all around)
TV channel team (looking confused by the snickering, and probably thinking "These startup people are so immature, but damn they have SO MUCH VC money"): Sure, sure, we will keep this in mind. Can we then get your entire TV budget?
Our team: That's some good stuff you're smoking. Why the heck would we wanna do that? (by this point, all on this side of the table are laughing and back-slapping).
Anyway, fortunately, everyone there was after OUR cheque-books, so I guess - no harm, no foul.
The final straw came with TV channel team #8. They had done a decent job pitching their growing channel, and we had explained the types of programs we want to associate with. We all seemed to be headed in the same direction until this happened.
H: So, I think we have explained that we would like to be associated with serious programming and nothing too frivolous. We are a small brand and need to be careful in protecting the overall brand image. What program would you recommend?
TV channel dude (looking very serious): I think the last 20 mins have helped me understand you well. I recommend you sponsor "Bikini babes", our progr.....
Our media buyer (busily pushing the guy out of the room): No fit, no fit here...
H (ripping up the dude's biz card): Hey, thats show biz. One minute you're in, the next you're out on your a$$. (I probably thought of myself as a casting director just after the last candidate had a royal goof-up)
Well, that pretty much summed up the day. Every major TV channel in India met us in the dingy conference room. Some were smart, some not so much. Some captivating, and some induced a snorefest.
The only thing that kept me sane on such a long day was my imagination. It reminded me that I need to be grateful. Grateful that my life truly is a cartoon strip. Everything has a tinge of humour and that allows me to laugh off days like this. Its just difficult sometimes to tell what really happened, and what part my mind conjured up!
Well, my team needed to spend yesterday screening TV channels to understand where we should advertise and where we could get max bang for our marketing bucks.
The scene: An under-renovation office of our media-buying agency.
The protagonists: 3 startup marketing folks + 2 media buyers
The target: 8 TV channel groups representing 12 TV channels in total
The hook: Our next TV spends
We all sat on one side of a long table, ready to poke, prod and interrogate the TV channel folks who would sit on the other side of the long table. The stale smell in the air, the moderately lit room - it all conjured up images of a KGB interrogation.
H (in a commanding tone): "Sit down, Mr. TV channel guy!"
TV Channel guy: "Sure thing, Mr. H. It's a pleasure to meet you. I have always wanted..."
H (in a condescending tone): "Yeah, yeah, whatever...now lets get down to brass tacks!"
H (after ominous pause): "I want a gazillion exposures of my 30s commercial. I want this for near nothing. And you will give it to me! Why? Because I damn well say so!"
Team after sorry team took the hot seat and were subjected to this line of discussion. We were particularly harsh on the ones who seemed overly (or unreasonably) cocky! This is what happens to big co. execs who come to the negotiation table with a team from a startup, and for once the bargaining chips (i.e. money) are on this side of the table.
"Muhahahahahaha!"
Sorry, but I felt the scene called for an evil laugh.
That is not to say that some did not get away from our harsh line of "negotiation". There were exceptions of course. My fav channel is Discovery T&L, and when they walked in, yours truly was not harsh at all. Heck, I was too busy trying to whack their programming guide. What a beaut!
Another tragic incident came around lunchtime. We had been going non-stop for 4 hours and had met 5 tough teams. Lunch had finally arrived and was brought into the conf. room. Just as we marvelled at the 20 odd containers of oily dal, greasy veggies, rotis and pulao, one of our media buyers pounced. Now, this chappie has been often at the wrong end of our price negotiations. He took this opportune moment to exact an unusually cruel revenge.
He brought in one of the key TV channel teams, just as our team dug into the chow. There we were...oily dal spilling all over the table, mouths full of chewy rotis and totally incapable of properly introducing ourselves to the "victims", leave alone question them. What a deft move, and that too by our own media buyer. Nice!Well, we slobbered through the nego, and I think we might actually still do business together. Not our finest moment.
We were on a roll by now, and had mastered some of our stories. Like any day of serial-meetings, we soon could not stand the $hit coming out of our mouths. We had this one line "We are like coke & pepsi. Don't put us in the same channel band as our competition!" This line had been repeated ad nauseum, and by evening, we were in splits every time the line was uttered. Lord alone knows what the folks in the by now not-so-hot seat were thinking. It was probably something like this -
TV channel person: So, we think we could slip you into slot XYZ and sponsor program ABC...
Someone on our team: We must mention that we....well, we are like in a very competitive market...(snickering begins)....
Our team continues: ...We see ourselves, well, honestly..quite like Coke & Pesi (loud snickering all around)
TV channel team (looking confused by the snickering, and probably thinking "These startup people are so immature, but damn they have SO MUCH VC money"): Sure, sure, we will keep this in mind. Can we then get your entire TV budget?
Our team: That's some good stuff you're smoking. Why the heck would we wanna do that? (by this point, all on this side of the table are laughing and back-slapping).
Anyway, fortunately, everyone there was after OUR cheque-books, so I guess - no harm, no foul.
The final straw came with TV channel team #8. They had done a decent job pitching their growing channel, and we had explained the types of programs we want to associate with. We all seemed to be headed in the same direction until this happened.
H: So, I think we have explained that we would like to be associated with serious programming and nothing too frivolous. We are a small brand and need to be careful in protecting the overall brand image. What program would you recommend?
TV channel dude (looking very serious): I think the last 20 mins have helped me understand you well. I recommend you sponsor "Bikini babes", our progr.....
Our media buyer (busily pushing the guy out of the room): No fit, no fit here...
H (ripping up the dude's biz card): Hey, thats show biz. One minute you're in, the next you're out on your a$$. (I probably thought of myself as a casting director just after the last candidate had a royal goof-up)
Well, that pretty much summed up the day. Every major TV channel in India met us in the dingy conference room. Some were smart, some not so much. Some captivating, and some induced a snorefest.
The only thing that kept me sane on such a long day was my imagination. It reminded me that I need to be grateful. Grateful that my life truly is a cartoon strip. Everything has a tinge of humour and that allows me to laugh off days like this. Its just difficult sometimes to tell what really happened, and what part my mind conjured up!
Dawn of a new blog
Well, here goes...
After over a year blogging on Yahoo! 360, this will be my start on Blogger. I have blogged on this platform during our Europe trip back in 2004, so I cant wait to try some of the new innovations.
For those who wanna read my past blogs -
http://360.yahoo.com/vk.hari
After over a year blogging on Yahoo! 360, this will be my start on Blogger. I have blogged on this platform during our Europe trip back in 2004, so I cant wait to try some of the new innovations.
For those who wanna read my past blogs -
http://360.yahoo.com/vk.hari
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