Crazy Sequels we want to see!

The last few months have generated a number of hit movies which seem to cry out for sequels. Some glaringly obvious, others not so much - either way, I'm sure you guys will beat down the doors to view these gems on the big screen.

With no further build up, here are the top 4 sequels we will likely receive:

1. Jodhaa Akbar 2: The revenge of Birbal

Am I alone in saying that I have never read a single story about Akbar without his wittier sidekick Birbal in tow? Well, there are reasons why this sequel must happen. In movie 1, Akbar is still becoming the legendary emperor - no "jewels" in his court, and only one wife.

One wife??? Jodhaa had no idea what was gonna hit her. Akbar lined up a veritable army of wives to follow his supposed "love". I cannot see that going down well with ol' feminist Jodhaa.


The storyline:
Akbar is now a proud emperor. A court full of duffers and Birbal, and a harem full of wives.
Jodhaa is furious at becoming just one among Akbar's team of wives. She seeks to humiliate him the way he humiliated her. Birbal too is frustrated by the lack of advancement opportunities. He seems to have hit a ceiling.
They take revenge the only way they know - by way of a steamy affair. All in front of Akbar. He takes them to task, but Birbal responds as only he can. He asks Akbar "How many crows in Agra ate my famous khichadi?". With Akbar left scratching his head, Birbal runs off with Jodhaa again.
Watch the movie for all the twists and turns. A laugh-a-minute riot!

2. Saawariya 2 : New spawn of actors, violet this time, smaller towels.

Not content with having subjected countless hapless souls to the indigo original, Mr. "I'm full of myself" Bhansali returns with a new violet-hued epic. Having spent all his money painting all the sets, extras and scenery violet (has he heard of camera filters?), he again he casts the kids of former actors. The way I see it, he gets two benefits: 1. They are lighter on the wallet than the "real thing". 2. Maybe their parents will provide free PR in support of their progeny.

This time around, he manages to unearth yet another Deol as his lead actor. He looks, dances, acts and emotes just like Sunny bhaiyya. Yikes! And the saddest part, the famous towel scene uses only a hand towel this time around. (Did he have to cut budgets in that one item?).

The actress is the daughter of a yesteryear vamp. She was dancer #3 in the 5th song of "Namak Halal".

A must-miss - avoid it in cinemas, on DVDs, VCDs, pirated VHS or downloads. You will thank me!

3. OSOSSO: The hidden story.

Om Shanti Om Shanti Shanti Om. Just like the original, the emphasis is on stars, clothes, music and guest appearances in this 7.5hr long teeth-puller.

SRK returns, but this time he has a 12-pack (yes, I believe that is possible... on celluloid).

The storyline:

In the 10 mins that Om & Shanti share together in the soon to be burnt studio, they somehow consummate their friendship. Before Shanti is burnt to a crisp, she somehow gives birth to a daughter. (Dont ask, storyline is not a strong point).

Played by an overweight Rakhi Sawant, the daughter is so obese that her dad gives her not one, but two names, Shanti Shanti. She romances the new Om, and they have a son. They name him - you guessed it, OM.

With this incredible creativity in naming, the movie is set to be mind-numbing. Pray to the Lord and he may make the reel jam. That would be the only way you come out of this marathon in one piece. 20 songs litter this epic, and they are the highpoint!

4. Rocky 7: Feet & Eyesight are for girly men!

Lest you believe that Bollywood is the only offender when it comes to inane sequels, allow me to introduce you to the worst offender - Sly Stallone.

In Rocky 4 a past his peak Rocky somehow concots a victory against 10-ft tall Dolph Lundgren. In Rocky 5, he is retired and yet out punches a super-fit Tommy Gunn. In Rocky 6, he is even older and beats the current champ.

Well, soon to be released Rocky 7 takes the cake.

The storyline:

Rocky is retired and wheelchair-bound in an old age home. His wife, Adrian, has left him for their insurance salesman. Their son is in his 40s - fat, balding and gay (finally, he comes out). Rocky has severe cataracts in the left eye and glaucoma in the right eye.

One day, Rocky is watching reruns of Friends, when for no apparent reason, the current heavyweight champ challenges Rocky to a "winner takes all" match for big bucks and the title, in Vegas.

Well, the fat gay son dusts off the old tape with "Eye of the Tiger", attaches Rocky's wheelchair to the rear bumper, and drives him through a Philly snow-storm. 30 mins later, Rocky is fighting fit - except for the legs & eyes of course.

After getting pounded for an eternity, Rocky somehow makes a comeback and wins.

I guess it helps if you are the Writer, Producer, Director, Actor and sole Viewer.

Well, that is the list of the most likely crazy sequels for the year ahead. I am unlikely to see any, other than the Birbal one (always had a soft spot for that guy). If you guys do catch OSOSSO or any of the others, drop me a line with the review. God be with you!