My dream-world kingdom for a decent dream!

I've been blog tagged - by my wife no less. I am compelled to blog on the topic of "dreams/dreaming/the attempt to dream" by her in this fascinating new game infecting all of us online netizens.

I should love this. My previous blog was all about how my life is like a continuous daydream. The fact that I never seem to wake from a constant state of waking sleep...

But this time, I need to blog about something else. Like the last umpteen blogs, it will concern Antara to some degree.

Our 3 month old is a deep sleeper like her mum and me. Good for her. Nightly dreams probably comprise of endless supply of milk, her fav wind-up yellow duck singing "How much is that doggy in the window?" and Mona dolly dancing around in a manner only a pink, digit-lacking soft toy could.

Maya and me lead a fascinating life too. We dream....not so much about milk and toys and dolls, oh my! (pardon the shameless rip off on the Wizard of Oz)...no, we dream of dreaming!

You see, a close friend based in the UK asked me tonight "Hey, how come you're awake? Isnt it near midnight?" I explained the following to her:

+ Antara would be asleep in 5 mins
+ M in 5mins 5 secs &
+ Yours truly in 5mins 15 secs (it takes 10 secs to turn off the light, trip on the bed, curse twice and collapse into a fitful sleep :))

A tough 3 months at the office, the first 3 months of parenthood, the last 3 months of M's maternity leave and 3 months of seemingly constant upheaval have left M and me - for the lack of a better term - dream deprived. We arent tired, we arent disillusioned, we arent over the moon - we're sleepy and we sleep dark, dreamless nights of sleep. A good 15 hr night of sleep, doorbell failures in the morning and a nice night of dreams should fix us up nice. But 15 hrs of sleep??? Dream on, Hari!

There M, kept up my tag. This tag goes to Aparna (in the last weeks of her pregnancy) - write about your dreams. What does an expecting mom in the last weeks of preggyhood dream about??

The birth of personality

"Drink baby, drink". Swing by our flat ANYTIME of night or day and odds are you will hear this cry. You see our wee babe is learning to feed using a bottle.

M will soon be heading back to watercooler gossip, monday morning blues, arguments and crazy work hours. I.e. she is headed back to work. So, while she will miss the li'l tyke, we need to get our kid to get used to feeding from something other than mom.

Ant is 2.5 months old. So, this creates a new problem. You see she is beginning to show the first signs of personality. And like her dad learning Italian, she is learning the bad stuff first. She has started building her personality with the following traits - stubborness, sulking, naughtiness.

Three exhibits to illustrate my point -

1> Naughtiness: Put the bottle in her mouth, and she will rotate that tiny head of hers to get a better look at mom. She will look M square in the eye and simply manipulate that rubber nipple out of her mouth using her new best friend - her tongue. And then grin at mom! *Smart-ass alert*

2> Stubbornness: The other day, M had to step out for a couple of hours and our nanny - yes we needed one to remain sane - gainfully tried to feed Ant from the aforementioned bottle. No dice!

She simply cried herself to a hungry sleep. Cant wait for the 'terrible twos'.

3> (My favourite) Sulking: The same day, M gets home and Ant wakes up. Shes hungry and tired. But she will not look at M. That's right - she sulked. Refused to look at mom, fed grudgingly and ignored poor M for most of the evening. This at 2.5 months!

Of course, I am dad. And everyone knows that daughters and dads have a special bond. So, we have her good personality trait show up - Shyness. One grin from me and she responds with a shy grin. She always has a slight blush, even turns her little face away and covers it with her tiny paws. Cool bananas!!

Dont get me wrong - overall, shes a gem. Sleeps 7 hours at night allowing mom to sleep. Will kiss me on demand (the best trick ever) and enjoys a good round of rough-housing with dad. But, if only she would have that damn bottle!

So, what we have is the birth of personality. The good, the bad and the pretty (hey, its my daughter).

Motherhood - the new fitness regime??

Maya trimmed her hair the other day, and when i came home I have to say she looked amazing.

Early on in our pregnancy, the big fear echoed by all was that she would pack on the pounds and then find it difficult to lose. Both of us have had to fight minor weight/ego battles in the past and so this seemed the worst part of the whole deal (though all-day scratching and launching a 3kg baby from your insides would have to be a close 2nd for her).

So, we went through the pregnancy, got a glowing baby and Maya healed. All is now fine and when the dust settled we found a most peculiar (i mean this in the nicest way) occurence. Maya is in fighting shape!

Screw the gym. Screw diets. She has a healthy baby and looks nothing like a typical "mom". She herself was shocked by the reaction (read her post on this: Maya's blogpost ).

But, the post-haircut Maya really truly made me look at this girl in my life and feel proud. She has gone through some major physical tests recently, and I must say she has come out the winner.

A short post dedicated to M. And photographic proof of what I am talking about:

As for me, I continue to yoyo. First an emaciated malnourised soul, and then a healthy, downright chubby, man the next day. Oh well. 1 out of 2 aint bad!

Child is truly the father of man

Ms. Antara "Pebbles" Hari aka Antu aka Pebs aka Antu the chamtu (sweetheart) is gazing at me right now. She has finished feeding and is being burped by mummy. What a month!

Pebbles: Aa...uhhhh!

She of the grey-brown eyes has M and me wrapped around her tiny fingers. She is dependant on us for pretty much everything and that means we have truly discovered how long 24 hours can be. Also, team Maya&Hari is now a finely tuned unit - we can change a poop-filled diaper for a clean one, after cleaning, powdering, cleaning again cos she pee'd while we cleaned, powdering again and strapping on the Pampers. I use the brand name as I am hoping they pay me for the product insert in my blog. Of course, I hope they pay me with a years supply of diapers.. at Rs.10 a pop, we are running up some serious bills here.

Pebbles: eeeeee..

We got her a subtle (not noisy) rattle but she loves the noisy one. M wanted to get her a classy beige boppy but she loves the bright pink one our friend got her. She kicks furiously at the ball in her little play gym and loves the "How much is the doggy?" tune which comes from the wind-up ducky. No big surprises so far...

She ocassionally gets bored and yanks on her own hair. What follows is a blood-curdling scream from the 2-footer! If that doesnt work, she manages to scrape her own face with her little nails. Crazy stuff..

But what truly gets us going is how much of a 50:50 she is of M and me. She has my face but M's mannerisms. She has my expressions but M's yawn. Her blood group but my feet (photographic proof right here).

She panics at every small noise but flashes a big grin when she is most comfortable or happy. She loves to feel cool, so no blankets for her...

What i love best about our baby is that she is so predictable and yet so surprising, all at once.

Pebbles: Aa - eee!!

Father of the babe is me

Easily the most life-changing event of my life. M and I became parents in the most dramatic fashion.

The scene: A typical friday morning

The protagonists:

1. M (on her way to appointment #2,345,678 with the Gynaec)

2. The gynaec (a "to the point" lady who we really respect)

3. Hari (at a board meeting trying to impress board members)

4. Pebbles (the heroine who was on her way)

Lights....camera....ACTION!

With about 10 mins to go for my turn in front of the board, M sends me an SMS "Its happening now. I am being admitted now. Please come soon."

HVK: "Whaaa???"

With his brain whizzing, Hari calls M and confirms the news. The baby is locked and loaded. She is on her way out. OMG!

With his brain in this mode, Hari proceeds to meet the much-feared "board". With his mind in lala land, he commits the impossible, smiles at every blow dished out and bows in theatrical fashion to conclude a very average board meeting. Making his excuses, he sprints out the conf. room and dashes for the car.


HVK(on phone): "Sekar - bring the car around...pronto!"

Sekar: "Enna Saaar??" ("What sir?")

HVK: "Car...bring...now!"

Sekar: "Ess saar....grympalagog" ("Yes sir...grympalagog (undecipherable nonsense)")


HVK with crazy Sekar at the wheel dashes to Lilavati Hospital.
M is 2cms dilated (gory details always on this blog), and is beginning to experience the much-hyped "contractions".
WTF Hari, why are you not there yet??? I know why, ol' "Left Sekar Leffft" is at the wheel.

HVK: "Faster Sekar...its urgent"

Sekar: (stoic silence)

HVK: "STEP ON IT, YOU DIRECTION-IMPAIRED LUNATIC. A TRAINED MONKEY COULD GET ME THERE FASTER!"

Sekar: "Right edthukunoman?" ("Do i need to take a right?")

HVK: "(bleep) you (bleep)"

Sekar: "Why didn't you say that in the first place, crazy man?"

We reached around 1pm and found M calm and checked in to the 11th floor super-duper extra-primo luxury floor of Lilavati. (note to self: must nego for raise on Monday)

Then begins the wait!

TIME: 2PM

Gynaec: "M is dilated but no progress...see you in 2 hours."

M: "Its beginning to hurt..."

Gyny: "And so it should. See you in 2 hrs. Nurse - do the NST every 10 mins until i say stop"

(Break for explanation:
NST: Stress test to check if the contractions result in the baby progressing down the delivery canal.
End of break.)

TIME: 4PM

Gyny: "M has made marginal progress but still a few hrs to go. Normal delivery still poss. Lets not rush."

M:"Thanks doc" (Thinking: I love this woman. So in control. No rush for C-section.)

Gyny: "Keep those NSTs going nurse. See you after my interview on TV."

TIME: 7PM

Exact same conversation as above.

TIME:9PM

And again.

TIME: 11PM

Gyny: "Ok, now we really need to ask ourselves - could we be doing something more fun. I know I could. I will give it till 2am. If you aint ready, we may have to move to option 2"

M:"Ok."

Gyny:"Nurse.."

Nurse:"Yeah, yeah, i know. Freakin NST."

TIME:2AM

Gyny:"M, Hari - I think the baby is healthy but tired. We need to get the li'l rascal out and we should not wait anymore. I am going to recommend emergency c-section"

M/HVK: "Okie doke." (Thinking: Pls let this go well)

TIME: 2.45AM

HVK(In changing room - thats right, I'm getting kitted up to go see my girl get cut up. ): "Where do I scrub in, doc? Where the f%^& are the face masks? Wheres Zack Braff when you need him?"

TIME: 3.10AM

Gyny (through surgi mask): "Come in Hari. M is prepped. You need to keep her calm."
HVK (stepping into real Op. theatre for 1st time & pretending to look brave): "Yes doc."
Gyny: "And Hari, you faint in there and I will post the video on YouTube."

HVK (sitting next to M's head as the surgery starts): "I love you M. Stay calm. Im here."

TIME: 3.25AM, Saturday, July 14, 2007, Lilavati Hospital 1st floor OT, Bandra(W), Mumbai, India.

Gyny: "Congratulations."

HVK: "Stay calm M. I'm he....whaaa already??"

HVK (standing up): "What is it? Boy or girl?"

Gyny:"Girl, of course"

HVK/M (with broad smiles on both faces):"Good!" (Thinking: Good, we didnt have a good boy name anyhow!)

Asst. Gyny (making tiny baby kiss M's face): "Here's your beautiful daughter!"

HVK: "Dont worry M. I will be here till they complete." (Thinking: I need a strategy to keep boys away from my baby girl. She's a looker and boys are baaaad)

TIME: 5.55AM, Back in the uber-luxury room. M is back, all sewed up and in recovery. M's mom looks relieved. HVK is exhausted and has managed to get out of his "scrubs".

HVK: "M, I would like to introduce you to your beautiful daughter - Antara. I will call her "Pebbles"."


So, that my friends is the story of Pebbles. Her entry into our lives, the 15 hours of labour her mom went through for her, and the story of how a hugely successful and confident MBA - me - became a nappy-changing, baby-butt-powdering, 3am lullaby singing, daddy of the babe!

(PS: Antara in Sanskrit means "From within. From the heart.")

(PPS: Pebbles in Sanskrit means absolutely nothing.)

The gentleman's game

Three of my favourite sports - all of which I have played at varied levels of seriousness - have a cool cliche that covers them

"Soccer is a gentleman's game played by ruffians, Rugby is a ruffians game played by gentlemen, Football (American) is a ruffians game played by ruffians..."

Cliches apart, Rugby is truly a gentlemens game. Having played, watched and studied this game, I now of the camaraderie within the game. Players, coaches, even refs will be at each others throats during the game and sharing a beer right after - in a refined manner of course ;-).

While in the US, i found it hard to find good rugby to watch on TV, but this changed at INSEAD. Getting a chance to play full contact rugby with a bunch of huge britishers, aussies and kiwis was a great challenge. Ok - I lied, the kiwi was pretty small actually, but the rest were big. One of the aussies was a coach and taught us non-rugby pros the skills of taking a bigger dude off his feet. The sheer joy of skillfully hitting someone and taking over the football is awesome!


Now, why am I reminiscing on these days past? I discovered Australia Network on TV and they have live rugby every weekend. Things only got better when I saw them showing live All Blacks rugby - yummy!!! Those kiwis and their ability to incessantly hit people, their intimidating haka upfront, and the flair of their pass-work are all things of beauty. The weekends are looking way up...for me at least.


The only downside is the risk of some collateral damage - watch out guys at work, I may line you up a good hit and then invoke the two golden rules of office life:

Rule#1: The boss is always right

Rule #2: If the boss is wrong, refer to rule #1. So, yeeeeeehaw!!!


Final shot: For those of you doubters out there, wondering when the f%^& did this dude dream that he actually played rugby, these 3 pics are for you. All my stories arent made up, after all :)



I just knocked the stuffing outta that brit:














Drinks for the winners:
















Scoring the winning try of our first round game of beach rugby in Singapore:

Planetary collision

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus...so goes the cliche. Good thing too, 'cos Mars rulz!
But, I'm not so sure anymore....

With changing times, choices and preferences, the line between the societal roles fulfilled by men and women is blurring. Throw in some centuries old traditions, corporate policies struggling to cope, rapidly changing lifestyle and you see the pot-boiler which is the average urban Indian household. I say urban, as I am totally ignorant of the trends in rural India, and for no other reason.

Men in India are becoming Metrosexual and women are often "power chicks". DINKs (Dual Income No Kids) are pretty much the norm for most young households today. Women want so much more from their careers and men want more work/life balance. This is all fine except for one major problem - the societal, corporate and mental machinery in place needs to change.

If, nay when, i go to a spa, it is common to find treatments and timings for women. This is probably 80%+ of their Indian clientele. But, I am a massage whore and cant get enough of a good back rub. Very often the spa has to make changes or adjustments to accomodate a man. "Would you like a couple massage, sir?" is usually the helpful response. "Only if I get to have 2 massages!" is my response. I mean a guy going for a massage by himeself...wow!

When I went for a haircut recently (to my painfully pricey barber), I was pleasantly surprised to see a man getting a manicure and pedicure. But, before I could celebrate the emancipation of the Indian male, I recognized the dude. A famous Bollywood director. Everyone knows that separate rules apply to celebs. Sigh... But, patience Hari, patience. Just as I finished my session, a young college guy (not a model) walked in an decided to go in for a Rs.7000 hair treatment which would easily take away his entire afternoon and evening. Maybe there is hope....

My point is this - if a dude wants to take care of himself and pamper his ego, he should be allowed to do so. This aint the sole right of the housewife.

Example #2. My wife and I split all chores. She makes many financial decisions, and I often order the veggies. I reckon i'm the better (or atleast more fussy) cook. She clearly scores over me in maths. She would love to drive the car, and I must have a vote in selecting our household furniture. This aint a total role reversal, before you guys start rolling your eyes. She loves beautiful pictures and I love sports. But, the point is that many things are "reversed".

But, now we have a problem. My wife is pregnant and she gets a ton of maternity leave. Obviously! But, guess what - I need to be happy with much less. Its fair that we work for different companies, but the one thing I found most progressive in my previous employer was that they had the same length for maternity and paternity leave.

I plan to be a very involved father, but the systems in place wont make it easy. The thought is often "Dude, be involved, but a father should get less time off than the mother." Uh, huh. WTF?? I mean why??

If women can get equal pay and equal benefits, I want equal time to enjoy my baby. In western countries, these systems have evolved and many companies realise that dual-income couples need both parents to be able to "tag team" during all stages in life, including parenting.

We, in India, have a much better societal support system. Families help raise kids and young couples dont feel as isolated as in the west. However, some systems still need to evolve. It's assumed that my mom-in-law or mom will do the supporting role to M when I go back to earn the family bread. I would love for them to be involved, but lets be clear. I am the support system.

So, this means a need for change in mindsets, in HR policies, in corporate policies, and in society overall. As we move towards a balance of our historically joint families to nuclear couples, we need to find a good middle ground. This will take time, but the changes need to start happening soon.

I think its time for many people to realize a vital fact. The planets have collided and Mars & Venus dont look the same anymore.