Crazy Sequels we want to see!

The last few months have generated a number of hit movies which seem to cry out for sequels. Some glaringly obvious, others not so much - either way, I'm sure you guys will beat down the doors to view these gems on the big screen.

With no further build up, here are the top 4 sequels we will likely receive:

1. Jodhaa Akbar 2: The revenge of Birbal

Am I alone in saying that I have never read a single story about Akbar without his wittier sidekick Birbal in tow? Well, there are reasons why this sequel must happen. In movie 1, Akbar is still becoming the legendary emperor - no "jewels" in his court, and only one wife.

One wife??? Jodhaa had no idea what was gonna hit her. Akbar lined up a veritable army of wives to follow his supposed "love". I cannot see that going down well with ol' feminist Jodhaa.


The storyline:
Akbar is now a proud emperor. A court full of duffers and Birbal, and a harem full of wives.
Jodhaa is furious at becoming just one among Akbar's team of wives. She seeks to humiliate him the way he humiliated her. Birbal too is frustrated by the lack of advancement opportunities. He seems to have hit a ceiling.
They take revenge the only way they know - by way of a steamy affair. All in front of Akbar. He takes them to task, but Birbal responds as only he can. He asks Akbar "How many crows in Agra ate my famous khichadi?". With Akbar left scratching his head, Birbal runs off with Jodhaa again.
Watch the movie for all the twists and turns. A laugh-a-minute riot!

2. Saawariya 2 : New spawn of actors, violet this time, smaller towels.

Not content with having subjected countless hapless souls to the indigo original, Mr. "I'm full of myself" Bhansali returns with a new violet-hued epic. Having spent all his money painting all the sets, extras and scenery violet (has he heard of camera filters?), he again he casts the kids of former actors. The way I see it, he gets two benefits: 1. They are lighter on the wallet than the "real thing". 2. Maybe their parents will provide free PR in support of their progeny.

This time around, he manages to unearth yet another Deol as his lead actor. He looks, dances, acts and emotes just like Sunny bhaiyya. Yikes! And the saddest part, the famous towel scene uses only a hand towel this time around. (Did he have to cut budgets in that one item?).

The actress is the daughter of a yesteryear vamp. She was dancer #3 in the 5th song of "Namak Halal".

A must-miss - avoid it in cinemas, on DVDs, VCDs, pirated VHS or downloads. You will thank me!

3. OSOSSO: The hidden story.

Om Shanti Om Shanti Shanti Om. Just like the original, the emphasis is on stars, clothes, music and guest appearances in this 7.5hr long teeth-puller.

SRK returns, but this time he has a 12-pack (yes, I believe that is possible... on celluloid).

The storyline:

In the 10 mins that Om & Shanti share together in the soon to be burnt studio, they somehow consummate their friendship. Before Shanti is burnt to a crisp, she somehow gives birth to a daughter. (Dont ask, storyline is not a strong point).

Played by an overweight Rakhi Sawant, the daughter is so obese that her dad gives her not one, but two names, Shanti Shanti. She romances the new Om, and they have a son. They name him - you guessed it, OM.

With this incredible creativity in naming, the movie is set to be mind-numbing. Pray to the Lord and he may make the reel jam. That would be the only way you come out of this marathon in one piece. 20 songs litter this epic, and they are the highpoint!

4. Rocky 7: Feet & Eyesight are for girly men!

Lest you believe that Bollywood is the only offender when it comes to inane sequels, allow me to introduce you to the worst offender - Sly Stallone.

In Rocky 4 a past his peak Rocky somehow concots a victory against 10-ft tall Dolph Lundgren. In Rocky 5, he is retired and yet out punches a super-fit Tommy Gunn. In Rocky 6, he is even older and beats the current champ.

Well, soon to be released Rocky 7 takes the cake.

The storyline:

Rocky is retired and wheelchair-bound in an old age home. His wife, Adrian, has left him for their insurance salesman. Their son is in his 40s - fat, balding and gay (finally, he comes out). Rocky has severe cataracts in the left eye and glaucoma in the right eye.

One day, Rocky is watching reruns of Friends, when for no apparent reason, the current heavyweight champ challenges Rocky to a "winner takes all" match for big bucks and the title, in Vegas.

Well, the fat gay son dusts off the old tape with "Eye of the Tiger", attaches Rocky's wheelchair to the rear bumper, and drives him through a Philly snow-storm. 30 mins later, Rocky is fighting fit - except for the legs & eyes of course.

After getting pounded for an eternity, Rocky somehow makes a comeback and wins.

I guess it helps if you are the Writer, Producer, Director, Actor and sole Viewer.

Well, that is the list of the most likely crazy sequels for the year ahead. I am unlikely to see any, other than the Birbal one (always had a soft spot for that guy). If you guys do catch OSOSSO or any of the others, drop me a line with the review. God be with you!

Beard of "experience"

Antara and I gaze at our reflections in the mirror. I realize that the whites of her eyes are a pristine white with not a blood vessel in sight – good! But what surprises me is the sight of my own eyes. The whites are really “Off whites”, distinctly so, and remind me of my childhood. My father and I did very much the same thing – gaze at our reflections. I remember proudly telling him – “Appa, my eyes are nice and white. Why are yours so yellow and tired? Why don’t you use some toothpaste?” Hmmm, the tide has turned…

I am nearing a very significant age. Soon I will not be able to check the box that says "25-29 years". I near the feared 3-0. Symbolic representation of the end of childhood and the start of maturity??? WTF - are you sure you want to give ME this certificate??

We recently had some close friends over for Christmas dinner. The last significant vacation we took with them was a brilliant road-trip around Brittany & Normandy. We were 4 folks out on the road, gulping wine by the liter, enjoying crepes and making plans at the flip of a coin. This time around, they brought their 10 month old daughter to meet us. We had a 5 month old and a 10 month old dictate tempo all evening. Another sign of age?

Well, interestingly, we still managed to polish of a bottle of Sula Chenin Blanc. We had a great time. Also the night before had 25 people partying hard in our living room, while Pebbles snored it up in our bedroom. Margaritas, mulled wine, baked veggies, hummus & pita, pasta salad...yum! A great time and a lot of drunk people.

I guess I have found that life continues and even peaks in the 30s. You see, I can now afford many luxuries I couldn't at 20 or 25. I also live completely on my terms. As for childhood, I spend every morning and night singing "Old King Cole" and "Teddy Bear Picnic". That childhood enough for ya?

I tell M that I will hit my absolute peak sometime in the coming decade, and my gym-battered body would tend to agree. An interesting job, the best "work-life balance" i have enjoyed in my career so far, a strong marriage, a delightful baby, it seems I have all the big check boxes semi-ticked (never jinx it by saying "ticked").

I seem to be partying as hard as I can remember (not counting the ridiculous year at INSEAD of course), and with a mix of friends from abroad and dudes/dudettes in town, the parties are so much more fun these days.

Oh - and another thing - age does not kill wanderlust. I still ache to get my passport stamped in a country where they barely speak english. But I have promised M that our next trip has to be deeper exploration of L'Inde.

A friend recently asked me - Whats with this beard you have these days?
My answer - Just trying to look my age.

One things for sure - the babyfaced casanova ain't so much a baby any more.

Redoing the Tag - The Famous Five take 2

On being scolded by the tagger, I am redoing my assignment.

The famous five TAKE 2:

A. Five things in my room:

1. My pillow - its mine, flat and just the right firmness. A slight change and I wake up with a stiff neck.
2. My bottle of water - i cannot sleep without it by my side. Need my hydration!
3. My wife - may object to being "objectified", but I need her there.
4. A pen under the bed - dont know why, but there is always a pen that has rolled off under the bed.
5. A good fan - If I dont feel breeze, I just cant sleep.

B. Five things in my bag:

1. My laptop - never know when you need to IM, blog or check email.
2. Breathmint - this allows me to have garlic for lunch before the important meeting :)
3. 2-3 USB keys - Always carry memory with you.
4. Business cards - Never know when a good contact comes by.
5. Spare pens - Just in case the one under the bed goes missing.

C. Five things in my wallet:

1. My drivers licence - Need that always.
2. Pics of my girl and my baby.
3. Moolah
4. Credit cards - make me feel rich until the monthly statement cometh.
5. Medical card - in case something morbid happens, you know my blood type and other issues.

Phew. Hope its alright now??

Tagged - The Famous Five Tag

Well, a second tag for me. The "famous five" tag (the way i read it) can mean anything in quantities of 5 which is meaningful to me.

My top 5 favourite movie characters:

1. Kaiser Soze (from "The Usual Suspects" - played by Kevin Spacey - absolute classic role)
2. General Maximus (from "Gladiator" - played by Russel Crowe - scarily powerful)
3. Michael Corleone (from "Godfather" - played by Al Pacino - cool yet vicious)
4. The Bride (from "Kill Bill" - played by Uma Thurman - super sexy & violent)
5. Mufasa (from "The Lion King" - played by James Earl Jones - a true leader)

My top 5 favourite food dishes:

1. Puliyodhare (Tamil dish - this was not even close!)
2. Veg. burnt chilly fried rice
3. Rajma Masala
4. Sambar
5. Spaghetti/Penne Arrabiatta

Well, that was my attempt at it. Now, in fine tradition, i need to pass on the tag.

This tag is passed on to M (http://mayahariglow.blogspot.com)
& Pri (http://priyankka.blogspot.com)

Sawadee ka!

"Sawadee khhhhaa" sing out the chorus of salespeople at Zara. All of them bow and fold their hands, in synch.

Coming from a country which also follows a similar tradition of bowing heads and greeting with folded hands, I realise some subtle differences between home and our current holiday destination - Thailand. Here, seemingly every time you enter the air space of a Thai person, you trigger the "alarm" and they shoot out a friendly greeting of "Sawadee ka" (hello). This could be a great game for a cheeky kid (hehe).

Scene: 1 cheeky kid + 1 friendly Thai

Location: Any service location (Hotel, restaurant, store, spa, airport, etc.)

"Lights, camera, action!"

Cheeky kid enters stage left and shoots accidently into friendly Thai air space.

Thai: (Bowing and smiling) "Swaadeee Khhhhhaaaa"

Kid: ???

Brat drifts a bit out of friendly air space. He then decides to try out his evil plan...he drifts slowly back into shooting distance of the Thai.

Thai: (Bowing and smiling identically to the first time): "Swadeee Khaaaa"

Kid:

Kid exits and partially re-enters the kill zone.

Thai: (3rd time a charm?): "Swaade.."

Kid leaves the zone...only to re-enter.

Thai (Thinking: "I hate kids"): "Swaa.."

And thus continues this horrible game..

I can truly see this happening. You see, i believe the Thais are THAT committed to service and seemed very, very friendly indeed. In central Bangkok, this is almost to a fault. An old INSEAD friend would always cry out "Sawaaadeeee Kaaaaa" when he started a story on one of his adventures in Thailand. I now get it!

Not to say that we are dealing with saints. We heard horror stories about Thai prisons, and God knows that Muay Thai (Thai kick-boxing) is seemingly reserved for men with cast-iron noses and Jean-Claude Van Damme.

But, all in all, Thais know how far service can go to building repeat clientele. They also know how to serve tourists like no where else in Asia. Tours of the Grand Palace in fluent Spanish, French, German, Mandarin & Japanese + Overall friendly atmosphere + Liberal mix of eastern influences & western indulgences = A great vacation!

As with all great stories, there is a caveat. And this one's a doozy. "Lady boys". WTF????

These cross-dressing wonders have befuddled single middle-aged white males for decades. What starts out as a great catch - a young, lissome exotic oriental babe who seems to like me inspite of my lack of hair, class or "a life" - turns out to be a shocking surprise. These "ladies" are thai boys who expertly disguise their manhood.

One night with one of these dude(ette)s will give more than a lifetime of memories (or shall we call them nightmares). :).

The questions you folk need to answer for me are:

1. How do you hide your Adam's apple?

2. How does a fairly conservative society have this practice so openly followed? I even saw school kids with one young boy wearing a skirt and with long hair (trust me, it was a boy!)

With 25% of the Thai GDP coming from various versions of the sex trade, I guess this land of service and hospitality does provide quite a few with a "happy ending". But, remember the old adage - sometimes things that appear too good to be true, are just that!!

Swaaadeeee Khhhaaaaaaaaa, all!

My dream-world kingdom for a decent dream!

I've been blog tagged - by my wife no less. I am compelled to blog on the topic of "dreams/dreaming/the attempt to dream" by her in this fascinating new game infecting all of us online netizens.

I should love this. My previous blog was all about how my life is like a continuous daydream. The fact that I never seem to wake from a constant state of waking sleep...

But this time, I need to blog about something else. Like the last umpteen blogs, it will concern Antara to some degree.

Our 3 month old is a deep sleeper like her mum and me. Good for her. Nightly dreams probably comprise of endless supply of milk, her fav wind-up yellow duck singing "How much is that doggy in the window?" and Mona dolly dancing around in a manner only a pink, digit-lacking soft toy could.

Maya and me lead a fascinating life too. We dream....not so much about milk and toys and dolls, oh my! (pardon the shameless rip off on the Wizard of Oz)...no, we dream of dreaming!

You see, a close friend based in the UK asked me tonight "Hey, how come you're awake? Isnt it near midnight?" I explained the following to her:

+ Antara would be asleep in 5 mins
+ M in 5mins 5 secs &
+ Yours truly in 5mins 15 secs (it takes 10 secs to turn off the light, trip on the bed, curse twice and collapse into a fitful sleep :))

A tough 3 months at the office, the first 3 months of parenthood, the last 3 months of M's maternity leave and 3 months of seemingly constant upheaval have left M and me - for the lack of a better term - dream deprived. We arent tired, we arent disillusioned, we arent over the moon - we're sleepy and we sleep dark, dreamless nights of sleep. A good 15 hr night of sleep, doorbell failures in the morning and a nice night of dreams should fix us up nice. But 15 hrs of sleep??? Dream on, Hari!

There M, kept up my tag. This tag goes to Aparna (in the last weeks of her pregnancy) - write about your dreams. What does an expecting mom in the last weeks of preggyhood dream about??

The birth of personality

"Drink baby, drink". Swing by our flat ANYTIME of night or day and odds are you will hear this cry. You see our wee babe is learning to feed using a bottle.

M will soon be heading back to watercooler gossip, monday morning blues, arguments and crazy work hours. I.e. she is headed back to work. So, while she will miss the li'l tyke, we need to get our kid to get used to feeding from something other than mom.

Ant is 2.5 months old. So, this creates a new problem. You see she is beginning to show the first signs of personality. And like her dad learning Italian, she is learning the bad stuff first. She has started building her personality with the following traits - stubborness, sulking, naughtiness.

Three exhibits to illustrate my point -

1> Naughtiness: Put the bottle in her mouth, and she will rotate that tiny head of hers to get a better look at mom. She will look M square in the eye and simply manipulate that rubber nipple out of her mouth using her new best friend - her tongue. And then grin at mom! *Smart-ass alert*

2> Stubbornness: The other day, M had to step out for a couple of hours and our nanny - yes we needed one to remain sane - gainfully tried to feed Ant from the aforementioned bottle. No dice!

She simply cried herself to a hungry sleep. Cant wait for the 'terrible twos'.

3> (My favourite) Sulking: The same day, M gets home and Ant wakes up. Shes hungry and tired. But she will not look at M. That's right - she sulked. Refused to look at mom, fed grudgingly and ignored poor M for most of the evening. This at 2.5 months!

Of course, I am dad. And everyone knows that daughters and dads have a special bond. So, we have her good personality trait show up - Shyness. One grin from me and she responds with a shy grin. She always has a slight blush, even turns her little face away and covers it with her tiny paws. Cool bananas!!

Dont get me wrong - overall, shes a gem. Sleeps 7 hours at night allowing mom to sleep. Will kiss me on demand (the best trick ever) and enjoys a good round of rough-housing with dad. But, if only she would have that damn bottle!

So, what we have is the birth of personality. The good, the bad and the pretty (hey, its my daughter).